at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
