I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
