dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
