Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
