last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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