I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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