JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
