If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
