mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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