I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
