More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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