he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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