I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
