I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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