i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
