I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
