where does the pee come out of this thing
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
