why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
