Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
