he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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