Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
