The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
