Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
