We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
