my soul wont recognize me after tonight
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
