I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
