Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
