Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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