you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have fence marks all over my body
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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