don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
