sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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