Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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