the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
