just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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