I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
