No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
