Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
