I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
