I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
