I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
