i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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