he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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