when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
