Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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