I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
