I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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