Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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