I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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