She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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