yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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