i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
