i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
