How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think my moral compass just broke
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