If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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