dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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