i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
