This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize