I'm gonna have a badass scar
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
