i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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