hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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