i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize