i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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