Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
