I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
