i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
