I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
