no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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