Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
