So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
