if you like me you must not know who I am
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
