I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
