I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize