fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
