Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
