Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So squirting runs in the family.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
