i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
