Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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