Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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