i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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