party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
