I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
