Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just pynch a tree in the face
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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