Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
