the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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