Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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