My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
