just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
