I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
