I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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