your room smells of hookers.
And success
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize