dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
