after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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