maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
