i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
