i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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