I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
