I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
