That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
