Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
