I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
