I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
