SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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