Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
