I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
