Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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