i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
