Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need help removing her.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
